This morning on the way to the office I was listening to one of Dubai radio stations – a business-oriented station. Two broadcasters were interviewing a lady who happened to be, if I’m not mistaken, the Director of Human Resources for a new water park that is to be open next week in Ras Al Khaimah (RAK) – one of the emirates in the UAE, which is situated about 45 to 60-minute drive from Dubai.
After a few minutes of conversation which sounded to me more like a sales pitch, I sensed that the two broadcasters started to feel frustrated, simply because they hardly received direct answers from the lady. Nonetheless, they kept on going with more questions. This time some questions around marketing strategy. Very spot-on rational, I think, considering that the new park would definitely have strong contenders from the like in Dubai, namely the Wild Wadi and the Atlantis’ Aquaventure, which have already been in the market for quite some time, easily accessible and hence, are arguably more popular amongst the UAE residents and visitors.
Here is an excerpt from the interview as far as I can recall.
Q: Apart from ticket revenues, from where else do you expect your revenue stream will be coming from?
A: By paying 250 Dirhams for an adult ticket and 175 for a child ticket, they can enjoy our facilities.
(Me : *tapping my forehead once* Douuhh!!)
Q: I mean, do you tie in with some commercial contracts to tap in more revenue? I saw on your website that you are inviting commercial or franchising opportunities within your water park….
A: Oh yes, people will spend at least 2 hours in our park. They will eat and drink there. There is a huge commercial opportunity for everyone.
(Me: *sigh* finally, at least a little bit of common sense here)
Q: How many visitors are you expecting in a year?
A: Between 300,000 and 1 million.
(Me: Wow! What an estimate! With 700,000 gap between the lowest and the highest estimation… hhmmm… what drug was she on?)
Q: How did you go about your market research? From where do you expect the visitors to come?
A: Everybody likes to go to water park. We expect people coming from the UAE, Middle East and international.
(Me: Everybody? Really? Do people from outside the UAE know where RAK is?)
Q: But how would you expect visitors who fly to Abu Dhabi and Dubai to travel by taxi or bus for an hour or so to reach your water park, while they can do the same in Dubai in a matter of a few kilometers? And how would expect those people to come to your park, when there is still no international flight coming to RAK?
A: Ras Al Khaimah is growing. People would love to come to our park.
(Me: *tapping my forehead for the second time* Douuhh!!)
If you think I was wasting my time by listening to that type of conversation, it’s not entirely true. In fact, I kinda enjoyed it a little, contemplating what the two broadcasters could possibly say to each other off air.
After all, that fiasco was not entirely the lady’s fault. Someone had not done their homework prior to the interview. Firstly, if the interview was about promoting a new water park, why the heck did the company permit the HR director to do the interview, instead of their Marketing Director or PR staff? Secondly, the broadcasters must have previously been informed of her title, why would then they keep on asking about marketing stuffs, which were literally not her territory. Thirdly, if she had replied with “I don’t know the answer” to a few of those questions, it would have sounded better than uttering meaningless words that could only embarrass herself.
(Me : *tapping my forehead for the third time*).
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
Monday, August 23, 2010
Life in Dubai: 10 Circumstances Where You Need to Put Your Yoga into Practice
Dubai is a unique place. Modern, sophisticated and megapolitan from the outside, yet people can be primordial in many circumstances. I just wanted to share my own experience having lived in this city - ten things that could potentially make you raise your eyebrow. If you are currently living or lived there before, you may find yourself nodding in agreement too.
1. Five Minutes… I am Coming!
When you are expecting Mr. Fix-It at your place, be it an AC technician, a plumber, an electrician, etc, soon enough you’ll get acquainted with the real Dubai. For some (cultural) reason, in most cases I’ve dealt with, they never turn up in time, let alone on time! And when you call them, they’ll lightly reply,” I am coming in five minutes.” Five minutes pass, no one turns up. You call them again and again and you’ll get the same response. Put your yoga into practice: breathing in, breathing out. Don’t be surprised if they eventually arrive five hours (or even more!) later at your doorstep! (Yeah, that could be the longest five minutes in your life). Pretending as if nothing is out of ordinary, they’ll then come up with Bollywood excuses: my car broke down, my cat is expired (indeed, they often use this word instead of ‘dead’), my grandmother was locked in the bathroom… as if you care. Again, breathing in, breathing out…. Just make sure you keep your baseball bat or your golf clubs away when they dare to show up at all.
2. The Kings of the Road
Tailgating is annoying, short-minded and lethal! Tailgaters are simply the nastiest creatures on the roads, particularly in a two-lane road with a speed limit of mere 70 kph. I dare to say that it is an act of harassment which should be punished harshly. Unfortunately, over the years, it has become an infectiously ill-fated behavior, which I initially thought only belonged to the locals. But these days you’ll find the tailgaters can be expats too. Guess, who they have learned the attitude from.
3. 80/20 Principle
You will experience this at any governmental offices or local companies (e.g. Etisalat). You are lining up for the customer service. You take the token, sit and wait for your turn. Soon, you will notice ten customer service counters with 10 staff behind the desks. You thought, hhmmm… impressive, they don’t let any single counter unattended. But then look carefully and scrutinize! Soon you’ll find out that only two counters are actually serving customers, the rest is ‘vacationing’ (I mean…. chit-chatting with their colleagues or over the phone, slowly sipping tea or coffee, fixing make-up or hijab, browsing, …). They are the true 80/20 principle practitioner.
4. White is Everyone’s Favorite Color
Some of the job ads on local papers can be shockingly and explicitly racist. Forget about equal opportunities here. Many of them are not ashamed of specifying the required nationalities or certain physical characteristics! If it reads “Looking for a white, blonde secretary….”, what do you call that? I call it the ‘R’ word! (Okay, I am exaggerating about the blonde. The word ‘blonde’ is never revealed. One the ‘white’ is).
5. My Name is Not Kabayan
Don’t feel offended when suddenly someone greets you,”Kabayan ka.…” As stunned as you might be, keep your cool and reply,”Nama gue bukan Kabayan. Sok tau luh!” (My name is not Kabayan!). It’s sufficient to make them either walk away or say sorry. The funny thing is there are only two types of Asians living in Dubai: Indian and Filipino – at least so they think. Other nationalities simply do not exist! Anyone coming from the Far East (or if your face looks like you’re from that region) will get a mental stamp “Filipino” on your forehead. Prejudice is always misleading. At least, if you’re not sure, don’t greet in your local language. Use English, for goodness’ sake.
6. Car Sale and Nationality
Life is very colorful in Dubai. So colorful that at times you come across a self-intriguing car-for-sale advertising on local papers. To give you an example (without trying to negate anyone): “Toyota Prado for sale – Brit*sh owner”. Every time I see such an ad, I am scratching my head. What could be the intention of the ad poster by putting his or her nationality on the ad? What could possibly be the connection between a car for sale and the owner nationality? What if we replace Brit*sh with, say, Ind*an? Would it make any difference? Maybe, but not on the value of the car per se. So much for superiority complex!
7. Who Are the Expats?
In Dubai, the word ‘expat’ can be bewildering. Who are the expats? Statistics show (although you’ll never get any accurate statistics here) that less than 20% of population is Emiratis, thus, that makes the rest literally expats. But the fact is people tend to misuse that word to describe certain nationalities – white skins or blue eyes, to be more specific.
8. Multitasking
If your company is seeking a multitasker of a high caliber, go hire from Dubai. Here, people are adept at multitasking: talking on the phone without a headset or texting while driving (I once red caught a police officer multitasking!). More interestingly, make sure you don’t miss out a breathtaking sight that you can only find here: drivers with one hand on the phone, the other hand on the steering wheel and their left foot on the dashboard! (I swear I’ll take a picture next time I get a chance to see it again!)
9. Don’t Worry, Kids, I am a Safe Driver!
Kids, when you are taking a ride in your Babba’s (Daddy’s) car, rest assured you are in the safe hands. Don’t bother wearing seatbelts (they are only for expats). Come and sit in the front. Feel free to pull down the window and stick your head out. And… enjoy our 120 kph ride!
10. What Apology?
This occurred during the opening match of the last World Cup. South Africa vs. Mexico. No one in this country had the opportunity to watch it live on the tv. Why? Because Jazeera Sports as the sole official broadcaster screwed up. All we’ve got was a black screen. Their help lines were disconnected, so no one could complain! The next day they announced that it was some sort of sabotage. Based on what? They were just trying to orchestrate a story of a scapegoat which I believed never existed. What about a compensation for the people who had paid no less than 300 Dirhams to get such an exclusive channel for the whole month? Zero! Apology? What apology? Screw the customers. They’ll understand and forgive us.
(11.) Why no. 11? I know I said ’10 Circumstances’ on the title, but I’ll really have to share this.
It just happened to me this Saturday on my weekend at 6.30 in the morning. Quite early indeed for a weekend morning. I was still in a deep sleep, when all of a sudden I heard a noise roaring from outside the house. So loud that even using my pillows to cover my ears would be of no use. I got out of my bed sluggishly and looked out of the window in awe. Our gardener was mowing the grass in our backyard just beneath our bedroom at this early hour! I was ready to scream at him. But then, breathing in, breathing out…. Half awake, I went downstairs and told him to stop immediately before the neighbors shouted and punched him in the face (well, the truth is, I would have punched him before our neighbors did :-)).
Those are my 10 reasons (or actually 11) for practicing my yoga without trying to diss Dubai at all. Next time I’ll post 10 things I like about the city to counterbalance those 10 ‘allegations’ – if anyone wants to call them that way. No matter where you live, there are always the likings and the dislikings about the place. Dubai is no exception.
1. Five Minutes… I am Coming!
When you are expecting Mr. Fix-It at your place, be it an AC technician, a plumber, an electrician, etc, soon enough you’ll get acquainted with the real Dubai. For some (cultural) reason, in most cases I’ve dealt with, they never turn up in time, let alone on time! And when you call them, they’ll lightly reply,” I am coming in five minutes.” Five minutes pass, no one turns up. You call them again and again and you’ll get the same response. Put your yoga into practice: breathing in, breathing out. Don’t be surprised if they eventually arrive five hours (or even more!) later at your doorstep! (Yeah, that could be the longest five minutes in your life). Pretending as if nothing is out of ordinary, they’ll then come up with Bollywood excuses: my car broke down, my cat is expired (indeed, they often use this word instead of ‘dead’), my grandmother was locked in the bathroom… as if you care. Again, breathing in, breathing out…. Just make sure you keep your baseball bat or your golf clubs away when they dare to show up at all.
2. The Kings of the Road
Tailgating is annoying, short-minded and lethal! Tailgaters are simply the nastiest creatures on the roads, particularly in a two-lane road with a speed limit of mere 70 kph. I dare to say that it is an act of harassment which should be punished harshly. Unfortunately, over the years, it has become an infectiously ill-fated behavior, which I initially thought only belonged to the locals. But these days you’ll find the tailgaters can be expats too. Guess, who they have learned the attitude from.
3. 80/20 Principle
You will experience this at any governmental offices or local companies (e.g. Etisalat). You are lining up for the customer service. You take the token, sit and wait for your turn. Soon, you will notice ten customer service counters with 10 staff behind the desks. You thought, hhmmm… impressive, they don’t let any single counter unattended. But then look carefully and scrutinize! Soon you’ll find out that only two counters are actually serving customers, the rest is ‘vacationing’ (I mean…. chit-chatting with their colleagues or over the phone, slowly sipping tea or coffee, fixing make-up or hijab, browsing, …). They are the true 80/20 principle practitioner.
4. White is Everyone’s Favorite Color
Some of the job ads on local papers can be shockingly and explicitly racist. Forget about equal opportunities here. Many of them are not ashamed of specifying the required nationalities or certain physical characteristics! If it reads “Looking for a white, blonde secretary….”, what do you call that? I call it the ‘R’ word! (Okay, I am exaggerating about the blonde. The word ‘blonde’ is never revealed. One the ‘white’ is).
5. My Name is Not Kabayan
Don’t feel offended when suddenly someone greets you,”Kabayan ka.…” As stunned as you might be, keep your cool and reply,”Nama gue bukan Kabayan. Sok tau luh!” (My name is not Kabayan!). It’s sufficient to make them either walk away or say sorry. The funny thing is there are only two types of Asians living in Dubai: Indian and Filipino – at least so they think. Other nationalities simply do not exist! Anyone coming from the Far East (or if your face looks like you’re from that region) will get a mental stamp “Filipino” on your forehead. Prejudice is always misleading. At least, if you’re not sure, don’t greet in your local language. Use English, for goodness’ sake.
6. Car Sale and Nationality
Life is very colorful in Dubai. So colorful that at times you come across a self-intriguing car-for-sale advertising on local papers. To give you an example (without trying to negate anyone): “Toyota Prado for sale – Brit*sh owner”. Every time I see such an ad, I am scratching my head. What could be the intention of the ad poster by putting his or her nationality on the ad? What could possibly be the connection between a car for sale and the owner nationality? What if we replace Brit*sh with, say, Ind*an? Would it make any difference? Maybe, but not on the value of the car per se. So much for superiority complex!
7. Who Are the Expats?
In Dubai, the word ‘expat’ can be bewildering. Who are the expats? Statistics show (although you’ll never get any accurate statistics here) that less than 20% of population is Emiratis, thus, that makes the rest literally expats. But the fact is people tend to misuse that word to describe certain nationalities – white skins or blue eyes, to be more specific.
8. Multitasking
If your company is seeking a multitasker of a high caliber, go hire from Dubai. Here, people are adept at multitasking: talking on the phone without a headset or texting while driving (I once red caught a police officer multitasking!). More interestingly, make sure you don’t miss out a breathtaking sight that you can only find here: drivers with one hand on the phone, the other hand on the steering wheel and their left foot on the dashboard! (I swear I’ll take a picture next time I get a chance to see it again!)
9. Don’t Worry, Kids, I am a Safe Driver!
Kids, when you are taking a ride in your Babba’s (Daddy’s) car, rest assured you are in the safe hands. Don’t bother wearing seatbelts (they are only for expats). Come and sit in the front. Feel free to pull down the window and stick your head out. And… enjoy our 120 kph ride!
10. What Apology?
This occurred during the opening match of the last World Cup. South Africa vs. Mexico. No one in this country had the opportunity to watch it live on the tv. Why? Because Jazeera Sports as the sole official broadcaster screwed up. All we’ve got was a black screen. Their help lines were disconnected, so no one could complain! The next day they announced that it was some sort of sabotage. Based on what? They were just trying to orchestrate a story of a scapegoat which I believed never existed. What about a compensation for the people who had paid no less than 300 Dirhams to get such an exclusive channel for the whole month? Zero! Apology? What apology? Screw the customers. They’ll understand and forgive us.
(11.) Why no. 11? I know I said ’10 Circumstances’ on the title, but I’ll really have to share this.
It just happened to me this Saturday on my weekend at 6.30 in the morning. Quite early indeed for a weekend morning. I was still in a deep sleep, when all of a sudden I heard a noise roaring from outside the house. So loud that even using my pillows to cover my ears would be of no use. I got out of my bed sluggishly and looked out of the window in awe. Our gardener was mowing the grass in our backyard just beneath our bedroom at this early hour! I was ready to scream at him. But then, breathing in, breathing out…. Half awake, I went downstairs and told him to stop immediately before the neighbors shouted and punched him in the face (well, the truth is, I would have punched him before our neighbors did :-)).
Those are my 10 reasons (or actually 11) for practicing my yoga without trying to diss Dubai at all. Next time I’ll post 10 things I like about the city to counterbalance those 10 ‘allegations’ – if anyone wants to call them that way. No matter where you live, there are always the likings and the dislikings about the place. Dubai is no exception.
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